It's all broken anyways.

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think about your choices.

on August 20, 2020

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you have so many even when you don't feel like you do.

i mean

sometimes every choice sucks, but still.

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I guess it's summer vacation.

The last day of school was Monday. It's only Wednesday and she is mopey and bored. We have no routine, no schedule. Just a dog that limits our options of activities in a major way, in a way that we need to accustom ourselves to. It turns out that there are very few dog friendly beaches on the South Shore that we can go to. The dog is not crate trained and hasn't spent much time on her own since she was basically my mom's constant companion, and also covid. (though most of the time she annoyed at the dog, the responsibilty, and the energy of her) I guess I am annoyed by the same things but also she's a good dog and really cute. Dogs just stare a lot. They are very needy. Especially this one. It's clear to me why I've always had cats. The question that keeps coming up it "what can I do?" The child asks me many times a day. Trever asks me when he sees I am the verge of snapping. I ask myself while I try to figure out what the hell am I supposed to be do...

OH Wow look who it is

meh. Trever got me a new (used) laptop so I can sort of be some version of this old version of myself. Put on this costume, take off that on. Whatever feels the most comfortable at a certain moment. typing is satisfying though. perhaps a little less stressful on my hands than writing though I am constantly need to go back and correct myself. ugh

yeah okay wow

It's very nearly December and I am absolutely not ready for it, financially or emotionally or domestically. It's so easy to feel like a failure when seeing a barrage of ads reminding you of all the things that you can not buy. Doing the baby steps is okay but also a touch shame inducing when you want to be making giant leaps... leaps like in my dreams when I am able to go down a staircase in single bound, but what about up? Doesn't seem to work the same way. There is only so many hours in the day to waste not doing the things you need to be doing. And there are so many hours in the day to beat yourself up about the same things.

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think about your choices.

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